Jacen Runs on Annoyance
by Soccer-Geek
Summary: Very, very, very AU from NJO. Two-shot guarateened to make you laugh!
1. Chapter 1

Jacen Runs on Annoyance

Title inspired by Iverna's story 'Stranded' on TF.N

_"Where do you get the energy in this heat?" Zekk asked, swimming up to join them. "Why are you never tired?"_

_"He runs on annoyance," Jaina said. "Every person he irritates is just another bit of fuel."_

_"That explains that mystery," Jag commented wryly. Jacen just smiled._

-Chapter 5 of "Stranded" by Iverna

On some random planet in a galaxy far, far away…

Everyone's together, though, on this planet. Well, almost everyone. Jaina, Zekk, Han, Leia, Luke, Mara, Kyp, Anakin, Tahiri, Jag, Lowie and Tenel Ka are all together, having all gone on a mission trying to find the absent Jacen Solo….

"I think we just need to admit it. Jacen is dead." Jagged Fel said as they returned from yet another unsuccessful search for the missing Jedi.

"No! He is not dead!" Jaina insisted.

"Thanks for not giving up on me, Jay," Said a voice from behind the group

They all turn to see the one and only Jacen Solo, alive and well, standing there, a smirk plastered on his face!

"JACEN!" They all yelled happily.

They all run over and hug him. Tenel Ka, dignity forgotten, jumps and throws her arms around his neck and legs around his waist.

"Friend Jacen!" Tenel Ka said with a dreamy, love-struck smile on her face as she buries her face into his shoulder.

"Jace, dude, we all thought you were dead!" Zekk said, ruffling his friend's hair.

"Nah, I was just captured by the Vong. No biggie." Jace said with a nonchalant wave of his hand.

"And you escaped!" Anakin exclaimed, impressed.

"That's awesome!" Tahiri yelled, throwing her arms in the air.

"Well… I didn't exactly escape." Jacen said as he nervously scratched the back of his head.

"Then who busted you out?" Kyp asked.

"No one."

"Then how did you get here?" Luke asked, now very confused.

"Well…"

*****Flashback*****

Jacen is sitting in a dark, dank cell. Outside, there are several Vong guards. Jacen is sitting scratching his initials and Tenel Ka's initials inside a heart on the wall. Then he gets a thought. He gets up and goes to the door.

"Excuse me, Mr. Vong Guard , sir," Jacen said. "Is it true that you and the rest of your species enjoy feeling pain?"

"Yes, Jee-dai, we do." The guard responded.

"Oh. Well, in that case…" Jacen said.

He took a deep breath and….

"99 MILLION BOTTLES OF CORELLIAN ALE ON THE WALL, 99 MILLION BOTTLES OF CORELLIAN ALE! YOU TAKE ONE DOWN, PASS IT AROUND, 98 MILLION 900 99 THOUSAND 9 HUNDRED AND 99 BOTTLES OF CORELLIAN ALE ON THE WALL!"

*****End Flashback*****

Everyone staring at Jacen with an eyebrow raised.

"So, wait, you just kept singing this song?" Mara asked, already pitying the Vong.

"Yep." Jacen responded proudly.

"And the Vong….?" Han started to ask, but Jacen cut him off.

"Told me they'd take me wherever I wanted as long as I shut up. It's a pity, though, that they made me stop. I was so close. I was only down to 6 hundred 72 thousand, 4 hundred and 23 bottles of Corellian Ale on the wall!"

Suddenly, lightyears across the galaxy, Wes Janson sat up straighter looked around.

"What is it, Wes?" Wedge asked, looking up from his paperwork.

"It's as if a group of people were talking to someone, and suddenly face-palmed." Wes said with a curious tone.

"Wes, no more nerf-sausage sandwiches for you at this hour or any hour," Wedge said, returning to his work. "They make you hallucinate."

"Yeah. You're right." Wes said, still looking around. "I am never eating a nerf-sausage sandwich again."


	2. Chapter 2

Part 2: Jacen Strikes Again

**Several years later…**

"Daddy?"

Jacen looked down at seven-year-old Allana.

"Yes, princess?" He asked.

"How did you defeat the Yuuzhan Vong?" Allana asked. "Uncle Anakin says we would have lost the war if it wasn't for you. How did you do it?"

Jacen scratched the back of his head nervously.

"Well…"

*****Flashback*****

"Ready, Jace?" Jaina asked.

"Ready!" Jacen responded.

"And, positions!" Jaina called out. Instantly, thousands of Jedi and soldiers stuck their fingers in their ears waiting.

"Go, Jace," Jaina told her twin, covering her ears.

Jacen grinned wickedly at the very confused Yuuzhan Vong took a deep breath and….

"THIS IS THE SONG THAT NEVER ENDS, YES IT GOES ON AND ON MY FRIEND. SOME PEOPLE STARTED SINGING IT, NOT KNOWING WHAT IT WAS, AND THEY'LL CONTINUE SINGING IT FOREVER JUST BECAUSE…. "

*****End Flashback*****

"Let's just say it took 13 thousand, 3 hundred and 22 verses of ear-piercing but peaceful fighting, Allana. 13 thousand, 3 hundred and 22." Jacen stood up, patted a very confused Allana on the head and walked out of the room singing,

"I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves. I know a song that gets on-"

Suddenly, on the other side of Coruscant in the Skywalker apartment, Ben Skywalker tumbled to the ground from his handstand.

"Everything okay, Ben?" Luke asked the teenager, looking up from his lightsaber repairs.

"I had a vision, but it was very strange. All I could hear was someone singing 'The Song That Gets On Everybody's Nerves'," Ben said, taking deep breaths, trying to shake himself of the feeling of vertigo and the hideousness he had just heard.

"Your cousin Jacen, you are hearing." Mara said as she walked into the room.

"It was so horrible!" Ben said, pulling his knees up to his chest.

"Yeah." Was all Luke and Mara could say.

"I gotta go save Tenel Ka and Allana!" Ben exclaimed, jumping to his feet.

"No. You've got to finish your hour of meditation," Luke said.

"But their ears will bleed if I don't!" Ben protested.

"You don't know that," Mara said as she started searching the fridge.

"Even I cannot foresee their future," Luke pointed out.

"But I can help them!" Ben insisted.

"Don't worry, Ben," Mara said as she poured herself a cup of juice. "Tenel Ka has her ways to get Jacen to shut up."

**Meanwhile, in the Djo-Solo household…**

Jacen hadn't even made it to three verses when Tenel Ka grabbed him by his shirt and kissed him full on the mouth. Even years later, whenever she kissed him like that it still made him shut up and stand there in shock.

Tenel Ka grinned wryly at her husband and patted his cheek.

"I am not sure if I have just punished you or encouraged you," She said. She lifted an eyebrow. "You are so still, one would think I had you were frozen in carbonite."

And with that, she walked away.


End file.
